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约翰·布姆 Blame it perhaps on me being a "stupid American," content to be blissfully unaware of theo utside world around me, or maybe it's my overactive imagination, or perhaps better yet, it is simply a case of me having seen too many Hollywood portrayals of innocent tourists beingruthlessly tossed into foreign gulags and made to talk by a fellow of ill repute, rank of sweat, body bulging with muscles and a conspicuous absence of a neck, regardless, it doesn't matter where you are in the world, it is never a good idea to run afoul of the police. China is no exception. While here, not once, but twice, I have had my heart stopped by such encounters. Am I some lawless reprobate, some vicious renegade? No. I am a university English teacher. My first myocardial episode of ventricular fibrillation, i.e. A blood draining minor heart attack, was some weeks back, about 7 o'clock at night. I am enjoying the serene quietude of my domicile. I think I was doing something mundane like making miniature Huangshans out of my stacks of grades I had yet to complete. However, my time wasting reverie was brutallyinterrupted by a violent slamming on my door. Curious to see who or what so demanded my presence at such an hour, I cautiously made my way to my portcullis and trepidly peered through yonder peep hole. Perplexed, a pallor permeated my complexion. Rigidly at attention before my front door stood a police captain in full crisp dress blue with my landlady by his side. Come what may, most uncertain of what was going on I threw open my door to ascertain to the best of my ability what on Earth could the matter be? Much to my surprise and palpitating heart’s contentment, the police officer was reporting that he had found my missing USB jumpdrive. He had been selected for this particular assignment, not because of his exemplar rank, but that he spoke the best English. I thanked him and returned to normal breathing some time later. | 
