海上日出 Sunrise at Sea 巴金 Ba Jin | 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》 为了看日出,我常常早起。那时天还没有大亮,周围非常清静,船上只有机器的响声。 I would often get up early to watch the sunrise when it was not yet quite light and all was quiet except for the droning of the ship engine. 要点: 本段重点在于合译,译者增用 了when, and, except for几个连接词 ,把汉语表达的意思串联了起来,表达的逻辑之美由此而生 。 天空还是一片浅蓝,颜色很浅。转眼间天边出现了一道红霞,慢慢地在扩大它的范围,加强它的亮光。我知道太阳要从天边升起来了,便不转眼地望着那里。 The sky was pale with a bluish hue. Soon a streak of pink dawn broke over the horizon,expanding gradually and becoming brighter and brighter. Knowing that the sun was about to rise, I had my eyes fixed on the distant edge of the sea. 要点: 1,“还没有大亮”=be not quite light,在《看月》中,有个“没有‘断黑’”= is not yet quite dark,“大亮”“断黑”都是程度副词+形容词的结构,通常用quiet+adj结构 2,“机器的响声”译为the droning of the ship engine.。“机器”这里指轮船上的steam engine,即蒸汽发动机,不宜译为macine.另外“响声”译为droning,表示机器的单调低沉的嗡嗡响声,较单纯的sound更有形象感 |