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婚姻生活 少提建议

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I know what you should do and here's my advice.

我知道你该怎么做,这是我给你的建议。

How many times have you heard that (and groaned)?

上面的话你已经听过多少遍了?为此抱怨过多少次了?

Advice giving, especially unsolicited, is tricky. Being on the receiving end can be annoying and make us defensive. But giving advice can be frustrating, as well, particularly when the intended beneficiary of our wisdom makes it clear it isn't welcomeor takes the same recommendations we've been giving for months from someone else. The whole advice issue is typically hardest to navigate with the person we know the best: our spouse or partner.

向别人提建议,尤其是未经他人请求便主动作出忠告是很难办的。处在接受建议的这方位置上,可能会觉得厌烦,也会致使他心存戒备。但提出建议同样令人沮丧,尤其是当预期受益人明确表示我们的想法不受欢迎时──或者对我们几个月来一直挂在嘴边的建议置之不理、转而却去采纳别人的雷同意见时,情况更是如此。与我们最了解的人──配偶或伴侣──在一起时,有关建议的这个问题通常是最难把握的。

In a series of six studies that followed 100 couples for the first seven years of marriage, researchers at the University of Iowa found that both husbands and wives feel lower marital satisfaction when they are given too much advice from a spouse, as opposed to too little. Andsurprise!─unsolicited advice is the most damaging kind. The most recent study was published in 2009 in the Journal of Family Psychology.

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