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A recent international poll of sports journalists identified race walking and dressage as the most inane events at the Summer Olympic Games, which open on Aug 5 in Rio de Janeiro. OK, maybe that’s a bit misleading. The “international poll” actually consisted of one Canadian (yours truly), two Chinese, a Brit and an American swilling beer at a bar in Lido while tossing out suggestions for Most Boring Olympic Event Ever. Notice we didn’t say “non-athletic” or “stupid.” From the perspective of ardent armchair critics, we respectfully limited our mockery to “boring” and “lame.” That’s not to say these events are devoid of skill – far from it. With their itsy-bitsy strides and spastic arm movements, Olympic race walkers must attain a cadence comparable to 400-meter sprinters in order to reach optimum speed – and they do it non-stop for hours, in 20- and 50-kilometer competitions. Race walking might look ridiculous, but any Olympic sport that has only two rules deserves grudging respect. The first rule dictates the competitor’s back toe can’t leave the ground until the heel of the front foot has touched, while the second stipulates the supporting leg must be fully straightened on contact with the ground and remain in that position until the body passes directly over it. Go figure. But what’s the deal with dressage? Why do the riders take all the credit (and the medals) when it’s the horses who are the real athletes? | 
