第三节 图画式作文升格指导 [病文展示] We can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, listen music, and the taps are not closed①. However, on the wall, there is a sign: please save water. We often see this kind of thing. As the development of our society, people are having better and better life②. But waste water is becoming a serious problem③. Many people don’t know water is rare. A lot of people in the world are lack ④. And also many factories pour dirty water into the river. I think, we should take measures to save water. Don’t waste water, and don’t pollute the rivers, too⑤. If we don’t save every drop of water, the last drop of water would be our tear. [病文点评] 这篇习作能从整体上把握写作要求,画面要点没遗漏,也能观察出画面的内在含义。写作时一定的条理性,按照图画作文写作的三步骤来写,即: 描述画面、说明原因、采取措施。主要问题在于语言基本功不扎实,语法、词汇用法错误较多,字数也偏少。因此得分在13分左右. ① 句中出现语法、词汇用法错误,listen后面应该to;washing和listening都应用进行时。建议改为 As we can see from the picture, a boy is washing clothes, and listening to music, with the taps running. ②句中as是连词,而the development of our society 不是句子,改为With the development of our society, people are having better and better life. |