婚姻生活 少提建议
<p><span word="I">I</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="what">what</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="should">should</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="here">here</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="advice">advice</span>.</p><p>我知道你该怎么做，这是我给你的建议。</p><p><span word="How">How</span> <span word="many">many</span> <span word="times">times</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="heard">heard</span> <span word="that">that</span> (<span word="and">and</span> <span word="groaned">groaned</span>)?</p><p>上面的话你已经听过多少遍了？为此抱怨过多少次了？</p><p><span word="Advice">Advice</span> <span word="giving">giving</span>, <span word="especially">especially</span> <span word="unsolicited">unsolicited</span>, <span word="is">is</span> <span word="tricky">tricky</span>. <span word="Being">Being</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="receiving">receiving</span> <span word="end">end</span> <span word="can">can</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="annoying">annoying</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="us">us</span> <span word="defensive">defensive</span>. <span word="But">But</span> <span word="giving">giving</span> <span word="advice">advice</span> <span word="can">can</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="frustrating">frustrating</span>, <span word="as">as</span> <span word="well">well</span>, <span word="particularly">particularly</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="intended">intended</span> <span word="beneficiary">beneficiary</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="wisdom">wisdom</span> <span word="makes">makes</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="clear">clear</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="isn">isn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="welcome">welcome</span>─<span word="or">or</span> <span word="takes">takes</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="same">same</span> <span word="recommendations">recommendations</span> <span word="we">we</span>'<span word="ve">ve</span> <span word="been">been</span> <span word="giving">giving</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="months">months</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="someone">someone</span> <span word="else">else</span>. <span word="The">The</span> <span word="whole">whole</span> <span word="advice">advice</span> <span word="issue">issue</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="typically">typically</span> <span word="hardest">hardest</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="navigate">navigate</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="person">person</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="best">best</span>: <span word="our">our</span> <span word="spouse">spouse</span> <span word="or">or</span> <span word="partner">partner</span>.</p><p>向别人提建议，尤其是未经他人请求便主动作出忠告是很难办的。处在接受建议的这方位置上，可能会觉得厌烦，也会致使他心存戒备。但提出建议同样令人沮丧，尤其是当预期受益人明确表示我们的想法不受欢迎时──或者对我们几个月来一直挂在嘴边的建议置之不理、转而却去采纳别人的雷同意见时，情况更是如此。与我们最了解的人──配偶或伴侣──在一起时，有关建议的这个问题通常是最难把握的。</p><p><span word="In">In</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="series">series</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="six">six</span> <span word="studies">studies</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="followed">followed</span> 100 <span word="couples">couples</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="first">first</span> <span word="seven">seven</span> <span word="years">years</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="marriage">marriage</span>, <span word="researchers">researchers</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="University">University</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="Iowa">Iowa</span> <span word="found">found</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="both">both</span> <span word="husbands">husbands</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="wives">wives</span> <span word="feel">feel</span> <span word="lower">lower</span> <span word="marital">marital</span> <span word="satisfaction">satisfaction</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="they">they</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="given">given</span> <span word="too">too</span> <span word="much">much</span> <span word="advice">advice</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="spouse">spouse</span>, <span word="as">as</span> <span word="opposed">opposed</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="too">too</span> <span word="little">little</span>. <span word="And">And</span>─<span word="surprise">surprise</span>!─<span word="unsolicited">unsolicited</span> <span word="advice">advice</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="most">most</span> <span word="damaging">damaging</span> <span word="kind">kind</span>. <span word="The">The</span> <span word="most">most</span> <span word="recent">recent</span> <span word="study">study</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="published">published</span> <span word="in">in</span> 2009 <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="Journal">Journal</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="Family">Family</span> <span word="Psychology">Psychology</span>.</p>
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