考前30天之备战2017高考英语精品学案：专题五 书面表达升格指导 第三节 图画式作文升格指导 病文升格
<p> 第三节 图画式作文升格指导</p><p> [病文展示]</p><p> <span word="We">We</span> <span word="can">can</span> <span word="see">see</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="picture">picture</span>, <span word="a">a</span> <span word="boy">boy</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="washing">washing</span> <span word="clothes">clothes</span>, <span word="listen">listen</span> <span word="music">music</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="taps">taps</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="closed">closed</span>①. <span word="However">However</span>, <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="wall">wall</span>, <span word="there">there</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="sign">sign</span>: <span word="please">please</span> <span word="save">save</span> <span word="water">water</span>.</p><p> <span word="We">We</span> <span word="often">often</span> <span word="see">see</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="kind">kind</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="thing">thing</span>. <span word="As">As</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="development">development</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="society">society</span>, <span word="people">people</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="having">having</span> <span word="better">better</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="better">better</span> <span word="life">life</span>②. <span word="But">But</span> <span word="waste">waste</span> <span word="water">water</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="becoming">becoming</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="serious">serious</span> <span word="problem">problem</span>③. <span word="Many">Many</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="don">don</span>’<span word="t">t</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="water">water</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="rare">rare</span>. <span word="A">A</span> <span word="lot">lot</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="world">world</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="lack">lack</span> ④. <span word="And">And</span> <span word="also">also</span> <span word="many">many</span> <span word="factories">factories</span> <span word="pour">pour</span> <span word="dirty">dirty</span> <span word="water">water</span> <span word="into">into</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="river">river</span>.</p><p> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="think">think</span>, <span word="we">we</span> <span word="should">should</span> <span word="take">take</span> <span word="measures">measures</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="save">save</span> <span word="water">water</span>. <span word="Don">Don</span>’<span word="t">t</span> <span word="waste">waste</span> <span word="water">water</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="don">don</span>’<span word="t">t</span> <span word="pollute">pollute</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="rivers">rivers</span>, <span word="too">too</span>⑤. <span word="If">If</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="don">don</span>’<span word="t">t</span> <span word="save">save</span> <span word="every">every</span> <span word="drop">drop</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="water">water</span>, <span word="the">the</span> <span word="last">last</span> <span word="drop">drop</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="water">water</span> <span word="would">would</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="tear">tear</span>.</p><p> [病文点评]</p><p> 这篇习作能从整体上把握写作要求，画面要点没遗漏，也能观察出画面的内在含义。写作时一定的条理性，按照图画作文写作的三步骤来写，即： 描述画面、说明原因、采取措施。主要问题在于语言基本功不扎实，语法、词汇用法错误较多，字数也偏少。因此得分在13分左右.</p><p> ① 句中出现语法、词汇用法错误，<span word="listen">listen</span>后面应该<span word="to">to</span>；<span word="washing">washing</span>和<span word="listening">listening</span>都应用进行时。建议改为 <span word="As">As</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="can">can</span> <span word="see">see</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="picture">picture</span>, <span word="a">a</span> <span word="boy">boy</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="washing">washing</span> <span word="clothes">clothes</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="listening">listening</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="music">music</span>, <span word="with">with</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="taps">taps</span> <span word="running">running</span>.</p><p> ②句中<span word="as">as</span>是连词，而<span word="the">the</span> <span word="development">development</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="society">society</span> 不是句子，改为<span word="With">With</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="development">development</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="society">society</span>, <span word="people">people</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="having">having</span> <span word="better">better</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="better">better</span> <span word="life">life</span>.</p>
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