分居日记-Happy Birthday
<p>生日意味着惊喜、聚会、兴奋过度的吹熄蛋糕上的蜡烛。生日也是对过去12个月中的失败——感受到的或者是真实的——做出补偿的一种方法。</p><p><span word="I">I</span> <span word="like">like</span> <span word="birthdays">birthdays</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="like">like</span> <span word="fuss">fuss</span>, <span word="a">a</span> <span word="grand">grand</span> <span word="gesture">gesture</span>. <span word="X">X</span> <span word="can">can</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="understand">understand</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="fuss">fuss</span>. <span word="It">It</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="about">about</span> <span word="upbringing">upbringing</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="think">think</span>: <span word="his">his</span> <span word="parents">parents</span> <span word="unceremoniously">unceremoniously</span> <span word="hand">hand</span> <span word="him">him</span> <span word="something">something</span> – <span word="not">not</span> <span word="even">even</span> <span word="wrapped">wrapped</span> – <span word="at">at</span> <span word="some">some</span> <span word="point">point</span> <span word="within">within</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="few">few</span> <span word="months">months</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="date">date</span>. <span word="I">I</span>'<span word="m">m</span> <span word="fairly">fairly</span> <span word="sure">sure</span> <span word="they">they</span> <span word="don">don</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="is">is</span>. <span word="For">For</span> <span word="me">me</span>, <span word="birthdays">birthdays</span> <span word="mean">mean</span> <span word="surprises">surprises</span>, <span word="parties">parties</span>, <span word="over">over</span>-<span word="excited">excited</span> <span word="children">children</span> <span word="blowing">blowing</span> <span word="out">out</span> <span word="candles">candles</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="sponge">sponge</span> <span word="cakes">cakes</span>. <span word="Like">Like</span> <span word="pencil">pencil</span> <span word="marks">marks</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="wall">wall</span>, <span word="they">they</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="backbone">backbone</span> <span word="around">around</span> <span word="which">which</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="hang">hang</span> <span word="family">family</span> <span word="rituals">rituals</span>. <span word="Birthdays">Birthdays</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="also">also</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="way">way</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="up">up</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="failings">failings</span> – <span word="perceived">perceived</span> <span word="or">or</span> <span word="real">real</span> – <span word="of">of</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="past">past</span> 12 <span word="months">months</span>.</p><p><span word="We">We</span> <span word="didn">didn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="stomach">stomach</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="last">last</span> <span word="round">round</span>. <span word="Absorbed">Absorbed</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="own">own</span> <span word="misery">misery</span>, <span word="X">X</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="lumped">lumped</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="boys">boys</span>' <span word="birthday">birthday</span> <span word="parties">parties</span> <span word="together">together</span>, <span word="a">a</span> <span word="swiftly">swiftly</span> <span word="expedited">expedited</span> <span word="afternoon">afternoon</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="soft">soft</span>-<span word="play">play</span> <span word="centre">centre</span>, <span word="a">a</span> <span word="swiss">swiss</span> <span word="roll">roll</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="candles">candles</span>. <span word="It">It</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="hardly">hardly</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="stuff">stuff</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="misery">misery</span> <span word="memoirs">memoirs</span>, <span word="but">but</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="made">made</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="sad">sad</span>.</p><p><span word="Now">Now</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="year">year</span> <span word="has">has</span> <span word="passed">passed</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="birthday">birthday</span> <span word="season">season</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="upon">upon</span> <span word="us">us</span>, <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="first">first</span> <span word="time">time</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="separated">separated</span> <span word="family">family</span>. <span word="The">The</span> <span word="boys">boys</span>' <span word="birthdays">birthdays</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="close">close</span> <span word="together">together</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="feels">feels</span> <span word="like">like</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="milestone">milestone</span>; <span word="I">I</span> <span word="want">want</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="right">right</span>. <span word="On">On</span> <span word="top">top</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="normal">normal</span> <span word="birthday">birthday</span> <span word="fixation">fixation</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="last">last</span> <span word="weeks">weeks</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="been">been</span> <span word="very">very</span> <span word="hard">hard</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="children">children</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="am">am</span> <span word="scarcely">scarcely</span> <span word="mother">mother</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="year">year</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="moment">moment</span>: <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="made">made</span> <span word="no">no</span> <span word="headway">headway</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="trying">trying</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="find">find</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="new">new</span> <span word="job">job</span>, <span word="which">which</span> <span word="scares">scares</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="stupid">stupid</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="am">am</span> <span word="still">still</span> <span word="bruised">bruised</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="shocked">shocked</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="accident">accident</span>. <span word="My">My</span> <span word="temper">temper</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="short">short</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="cry">cry</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="lot">lot</span>. <span word="I">I</span>'<span word="ve">ve</span> <span word="seen">seen</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="naked">naked</span> <span word="look">look</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="worry">worry</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="eldest">eldest</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="eyes">eyes</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="felt">felt</span> <span word="powerless">powerless</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="go">go</span> <span word="away">away</span>.</p>
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