全程班考研英语的作文批改范例三
<p> <span word="It">It</span> <span word="wont">wont</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="dark">dark</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="hopeless">hopeless</span> <span word="until">until</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="light">light</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="begin">begin</span> （主谓一致，<span word="begins">begins</span>）<span word="to">to</span> <span word="burn">burn</span> <span word="which">which</span> <span word="appears">appears</span> <span word="more">more</span> <span word="significant">significant</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="darker">darker</span> <span word="place">place</span>. （这个定语从句用在这里不太合适，可以改成一个句子，<span word="love">love</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="like">like</span> <span word="light">light</span> <span word="which">which</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="brighter">brighter</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="darker">darker</span> <span word="places">places</span>.）<span word="I">I</span> <span word="consider">consider</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="may">may</span> <span word="be">be</span> （这部分删掉）<span word="what">what</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="picture">picture</span> <span word="want">want</span>（注意主谓一致，<span word="wants">wants</span>） <span word="to">to</span> <span word="tell">tell</span> <span word="us">us</span>. <span word="During">During</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="gray">gray</span> <span word="period">period</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="all">all</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="earth">earth</span> <span word="suffered">suffered</span> <span word="SARS">SARS</span>,<span word="scientists">scientists</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="doctors">doctors</span> <span word="devote">devote</span> （既然是在说以前的事情就用过去时）<span word="themslves">themslves</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="their">their</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="curing">curing</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="patients">patients</span> , <span word="securing">securing</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="health">health</span> （<span word="The">The</span> <span word="healthy">healthy</span> <span word="people">people</span>） <span word="and">and</span><span word="arming">arming</span> <span word="against">against</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="evil">evil</span> （<span word="plague">plague</span>）.<span word="Theyre">Theyre</span> <span word="exactly">exactly</span> <span word="respectable">respectable</span>.<span word="After">After</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="earthquake">earthquake</span> <span word="came">came</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="attack">attack</span> （直接用<span word="attacked">attacked</span>） <span word="Sichuan">Sichuan</span> <span word="Province">Province</span>,<span word="all">all</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="there">there</span> <span word="were">were</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="darkness">darkness</span> <span word="which">which</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="painful">painful</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="awful">awful</span> （这里的定语从句用的不好，可以删掉。）.<span word="Love">Love</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="other">other</span> <span word="places">places</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="China">China</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="from">from</span> <span word="other">other</span> <span word="nations">nations</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="world">world</span> <span word="arrived">arrived</span>. <span word="The">The</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="suffered">suffered</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="agony">agony</span>（删掉，这是多余的部分，直接用<span word="suffer">suffer</span> <span word="from">from</span>.） <span word="from">from</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="catastrophe">catastrophe</span> <span word="were">were</span> <span word="inspired">inspired</span>. <span word="Its">Its</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="light">light</span> <span word="who">who</span> （变成强调句型，这里改成<span word="that">that</span> <span word="beats">beats</span> .）<span word="beat">beat</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="darkness">darkness</span>. <span word="When">When</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="scientists">scientists</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="doctors">doctors</span> <span word="tribute">tribute</span> （<span word="contributed">contributed</span>）<span word="their">their</span> <span word="help">help</span>,<span word="love">love</span> <span word="appears">appears</span>;<span word="when">when</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="kindness">kindness</span> <span word="denote">denote</span> <span word="their">their</span> <span word="money">money</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="commodities">commodities</span>,<span word="love">love</span> <span word="appears">appears</span>;<span word="when">when</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="contribution">contribution</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="give">give</span> <span word="others">others</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="hand">hand</span>,<span word="love">love</span> <span word="appears">appears</span>.（这一段可以看成是对上一段的一个总结，用的还是上面的例子，所以还是用过去式较好。） 作文的主题能够理解，但是作文的三点要求并没有全部表现出来，第三部分陈述自己的观点，在你的文章中并没有体现。导致内容不完整。另外语言方面的问题也较多，一个是主谓一致问题较多，再就是有些句子表达不明确，导致老师不能正确理解你的意思。注意由于马虎造成的拼写错误。注意用词方面的准确性。注意标点符号的正确使用。注意空格问题。这些都能反应出你的英语基本功并不扎实，所以今后复习的时候一定要继续巩固基本功，背诵范文之后一定要默写，从中检查自己的写作弱点。多读读英语文章，提高语感。加油啊。 </p>
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