名师点拨雅思习作修改、评分建议及改进策略
<p> 题目：<span word="It">It</span> <span word="seems">seems</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="increase">increase</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="use">use</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="mobile">mobile</span> <span word="phones">phones</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="computers">computers</span>, <span word="fewer">fewer</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="prefer">prefer</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="write">write</span> <span word="letters">letters</span>. <span word="Will">Will</span> <span word="letters">letters</span> <span word="disappear">disappear</span> <span word="completely">completely</span>?</p><p> 审题：本文可以看作是<span word="agree">agree</span> <span word="or">or</span> <span word="disagree">disagree</span> 类文章，要求考生能在开头段表明自己的立场。探讨的两个主题是：信件 <span word="VS">VS</span>手机电脑。</p><p> 这篇习作的学生的写作框架是3773，观点是信不会被取代，中间写两段，第一段探讨手机电脑的两个好处，第二段探讨信的四个好处，最后总结信的优点多，继续推行。</p><p> 开头段：</p><p> <span word="Mobile">Mobile</span> <span word="phones">phones</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="E">E</span>-<span word="mails">mails</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="increasingly">increasingly</span> <span word="playing">playing</span> 1<span word="pivital">pivital</span> <span word="roles">roles</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="our">our</span> <span word="daily">daily</span> <span word="life">life</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="day">day</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="age">age</span>. <span word="Yet">Yet</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="same">same</span> <span word="time">time</span>, <span word="whether">whether</span> 2<span word="letter">letter</span> <span word="will">will</span> <span word="disappear">disappear</span> <span word="has">has</span> <span word="sparked">sparked</span> <span word="heated">heated</span> <span word="debate">debate</span>. <span word="As">As</span> <span word="far">far</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="am">am</span> <span word="concerned">concerned</span>, 3<span word="it">it</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="impossible">impossible</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="letters">letters</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="replaced">replaced</span>。</p><p> 点评：首段格式清楚，略微有模板的印记，但是有拼写错误，语法错误。会让考官觉得是6分或以下的水平。</p><p> 修改：</p><p> 1 <span word="pivotal">pivotal</span> 其他重要：<span word="essential">essential</span>, <span word="indispensable">indispensable</span>, <span word="vital">vital</span></p><p> 2 <span word="Yet">Yet</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="same">same</span> <span word="time">time</span>, <span word="whether">whether</span> <span word="letters">letters</span> <span word="will">will</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="replaced">replaced</span> <span word="by">by</span> <span word="phones">phones</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="emails">emails</span> <span word="has">has</span> <span word="sparked">sparked</span> <span word="heated">heated</span> <span word="debate">debate</span></p><p> 3 原文<span word="impossible">impossible</span>太过绝对。<span word="Hardly">Hardly</span> <span word="will">will</span> <span word="letters">letters</span> <span word="fade">fade</span> <span word="out">out</span>。</p><p> 中间第一段：</p><p> <span word="On">On</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="one">one</span> <span word="hand">hand</span>, <span word="it">it</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="arguable">arguable</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="those">those</span> <span word="high">high</span>-<span word="technology">technology</span> <span word="products">products</span> <span word="can">can</span> <span word="bring">bring</span> <span word="about">about</span> <span word="numerous">numerous</span> <span word="benefits">benefits</span>。</p>
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