雅思写作范文首段点评+修改
<p> <span word="Some">Some</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="think">think</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="old">old</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="should">should</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="forced">forced</span> <span word="by">by</span> <span word="law">law</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="retire">retire</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="age">age</span> <span word="of">of</span> 60-65 <span word="if">if</span> <span word="they">they</span> <span word="wish">wish</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="continue">continue</span> <span word="working">working</span>. <span word="Do">Do</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="agree">agree</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="point">point</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="view">view</span>?</p><p> <span word="A">A</span> <span word="much">much</span> <span word="debated">debated</span> <span word="issue">issue</span> <span word="these">these</span> <span word="days">days</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="whether">whether</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="old">old</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="should">should</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="forced">forced</span> <span word="by">by</span> <span word="law">law</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="retirement">retirement</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="they">they</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="age">age</span> <span word="of">of</span> 60-65, <span word="without">without</span> <span word="considering">considering</span> <span word="about">about</span> <span word="their">their</span> <span word="own">own</span> <span word="wishes">wishes</span>. <span word="Although">Although</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="government">government</span> <span word="wants">wants</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="old">old</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="better">better</span> <span word="relaxation">relaxation</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="their">their</span> <span word="latter">latter</span> <span word="lives">lives</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="way">way</span>, <span word="personally">personally</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="agree">agree</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="idea">idea</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="following">following</span> <span word="reasons">reasons</span>. 审题不清, 立意不明</p><p> <span word="Modified">Modified</span>: <span word="As">As</span> <span word="medical">medical</span> <span word="science">science</span> <span word="develops">develops</span> <span word="rapidly">rapidly</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="peoples">peoples</span> <span word="living">living</span> <span word="conditions">conditions</span> <span word="get">get</span> <span word="better">better</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="better">better</span>, <span word="the">the</span> <span word="world">world</span> <span word="has">has</span> <span word="seen">seen</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="growing">growing</span> <span word="population">population</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="old">old</span> <span word="people">people</span>. <span word="Recently">Recently</span>, <span word="whether">whether</span> <span word="old">old</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="must">must</span> <span word="retire">retire</span> <span word="at">at</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="age">age</span> <span word="of">of</span> 60-65 <span word="has">has</span> <span word="become">become</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="much">much</span> <span word="debated">debated</span> <span word="issue">issue</span>. <span word="Whereas">Whereas</span> <span word="many">many</span> <span word="argue">argue</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="should">should</span> <span word="set">set</span> <span word="up">up</span> <span word="laws">laws</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="force">force</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="old">old</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="retire">retire</span> <span word="before">before</span> <span word="they">they</span> <span word="reach">reach</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="age">age</span> <span word="of">of</span> 60-65 <span word="in">in</span> <span word="order">order</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="reserve">reserve</span> <span word="more">more</span> <span word="jobs">jobs</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="younger">younger</span> <span word="people">people</span>, <span word="others">others</span> <span word="insist">insist</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="only">only</span> <span word="elder">elder</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="themselves">themselves</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="final">final</span> <span word="say">say</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="issue">issue</span>. <span word="Personally">Personally</span> , <span word="I">I</span> <span word="am">am</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="total">total</span> <span word="support">support</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="latter">latter</span> <span word="argument">argument</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="following">following</span> <span word="reasons">reasons</span>.</p><p> </p>
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