The hardest thing
<p><span word="The">The</span> <span word="day">day</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="fianc">fianc</span>&<span word="eacute">eacute</span>; <span word="fell">fell</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="his">his</span> <span word="death">death</span>, <span word="it">it</span> <span word="started">started</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="snow">snow</span>, <span word="just">just</span> <span word="like">like</span> <span word="any">any</span> <span word="November">November</span> <span word="day">day</span>, <span word="just">just</span> <span word="like">like</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="bottom">bottom</span> <span word="hadn">hadn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="fallen">fallen</span> <span word="out">out</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="world">world</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="he">he</span> <span word="freefell">freefell</span> <span word="off">off</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="roof">roof</span>. <span word="His">His</span> <span word="body">body</span>, <span word="when">when</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="found">found</span> <span word="it">it</span>, <span word="was">was</span> <span word="lightly">lightly</span> <span word="covered">covered</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="snow">snow</span>. <span word="It">It</span> <span word="snowed">snowed</span> <span word="almost">almost</span> <span word="every">every</span> <span word="day">day</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="next">next</span> <span word="four">four</span> <span word="months">months</span>, <span word="while">while</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="sat">sat</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="couch">couch</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="watched">watched</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="pile">pile</span> <span word="up">up</span>. <span word="One">One</span> <span word="morning">morning</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="shuffled">shuffled</span> <span word="downstairs">downstairs</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="startled">startled</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="see">see</span> <span word="asnowplow">asnowplow</span>(雪犁,扫雪机)<span word="clearing">clearing</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="driveway">driveway</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="bent">bent</span> <span word="back">back</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="womanshoveling">womanshoveling</span>(铲)<span word="my">my</span> <span word="walk">walk</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="dropped">dropped</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="knees">knees</span>, <span word="crawled">crawled</span> <span word="through">through</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="living">living</span> <span word="room">room</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="back">back</span> <span word="upstairs">upstairs</span> <span word="so">so</span> <span word="those">those</span> <span word="good">good</span> <span word="Samaritans">Samaritans</span> <span word="would">would</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="see">see</span> <span word="me">me</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="wasmortified">wasmortified</span>(窘迫的). <span word="My">My</span> <span word="first">first</span> <span word="thought">thought</span> <span word="was">was</span>, <span word="how">how</span> <span word="would">would</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="ever">ever</span> <span word="repay">repay</span> <span word="them">them</span>? <span word="I">I</span> <span word="didn">didn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="strength">strength</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="brush">brush</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="hair">hair</span> <span word="let">let</span> <span word="alone">alone</span> <span word="shovel">shovel</span> <span word="someone">someone</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="walk">walk</span>.</p><p><span word="Before">Before</span> <span word="Jon">Jon</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="death">death</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="took">took</span> <span word="pride">pride</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="fact">fact</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="rarely">rarely</span> <span word="asked">asked</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="help">help</span> <span word="or">or</span> <span word="favors">favors</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="defined">defined</span> <span word="myself">myself</span> <span word="by">by</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="competence">competence</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="independence">independence</span>. <span word="So">So</span> <span word="who">who</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="if">if</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="no">no</span> <span word="longer">longer</span> <span word="capable">capable</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="busy">busy</span>? <span word="How">How</span> <span word="could">could</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="respect">respect</span> <span word="myself">myself</span> <span word="if">if</span> <span word="all">all</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="did">did</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="sit">sit</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="couch">couch</span> <span word="everyday">everyday</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="watch">watch</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="snow">snow</span> <span word="fall">fall</span>?</p><p><span word="Learning">Learning</span> <span word="how">how</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="receive">receive</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="support">support</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="came">came</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="way">way</span> <span word="wasn">wasn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="easy">easy</span>. <span word="Friends">Friends</span> <span word="cooked">cooked</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="cried">cried</span> <span word="because">because</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="couldn">couldn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="even">even</span> <span word="help">help</span> <span word="them">them</span> <span word="set">set</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="table">table</span>. "<span word="I">I</span>'<span word="m">m</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="usually">usually</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="lazy">lazy</span>," <span word="I">I</span> <span word="wailed">wailed</span>. <span word="Finally">Finally</span>, <span word="my">my</span> <span word="friend">friend</span> <span word="Kathy">Kathy</span> <span word="sat">sat</span> <span word="down">down</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="said">said</span>, "<span word="Mary">Mary</span>, <span word="cooking">cooking</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="chore">chore</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="want">want</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="it">it</span>. <span word="It">It</span> <span word="makes">makes</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="feel">feel</span> <span word="good">good</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="able">able</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="something">something</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="you">you</span>."</p><p><span word="Over">Over</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="over">over</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="heard">heard</span> <span word="similarsentiments">similarsentiments</span>(感情,情绪)<span word="from">from</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="who">who</span> <span word="supported">supported</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="during">during</span> <span word="those">those</span> <span word="dark">dark</span> <span word="days">days</span>. <span word="One">One</span> <span word="very">very</span> <span word="wise">wise</span> <span word="man">man</span> <span word="told">told</span> <span word="me">me</span>, "<span word="You">You</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="doing">doing</span> <span word="nothing">nothing</span>. <span word="Being">Being</span> <span word="fully">fully</span> <span word="open">open</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="grief">grief</span> <span word="may">may</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="hardest">hardest</span> <span word="work">work</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="will">will</span> <span word="ever">ever</span> <span word="do">do</span>."</p>
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