Facing Death
<p><span word="When">When</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="was">was</span> 17, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="read">read</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="quote">quote</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="went">went</span> <span word="something">something</span> <span word="like">like</span>: "<span word="If">If</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="live">live</span> <span word="each">each</span> <span word="day">day</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="if">if</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="last">last</span>, <span word="someday">someday</span> <span word="you">you</span>'<span word="ll">ll</span> <span word="most">most</span> <span word="certainly">certainly</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="right">right</span>." <span word="It">It</span> <span word="made">made</span> <span word="an">an</span> <span word="impression">impression</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="me">me</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="since">since</span> <span word="then">then</span>, <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="past">past</span> 33 <span word="years">years</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="looked">looked</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="mirror">mirror</span> <span word="every">every</span> <span word="morning">morning</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="asked">asked</span> <span word="myself">myself</span>: "<span word="If">If</span> <span word="today">today</span> <span word="were">were</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="last">last</span> <span word="day">day</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="life">life</span>, <span word="would">would</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="want">want</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="what">what</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="am">am</span> <span word="about">about</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="today">today</span>?" <span word="And">And</span> <span word="whenever">whenever</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="answer">answer</span> <span word="has">has</span> <span word="been">been</span> "<span word="No">No</span>" <span word="for">for</span> <span word="too">too</span> <span word="many">many</span> <span word="days">days</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="row">row</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="need">need</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="change">change</span> <span word="something">something</span>.</p><p><span word="Remembering">Remembering</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="I">I</span>'<span word="ll">ll</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="dead">dead</span> <span word="soon">soon</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="most">most</span> <span word="important">important</span> <span word="tool">tool</span> <span word="I">I</span>'<span word="ve">ve</span> <span word="ever">ever</span> <span word="encountered">encountered</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="help">help</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="big">big</span> <span word="choices">choices</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="life">life</span>. <span word="Because">Because</span> <span word="almost">almost</span> <span word="everything">everything</span> -- <span word="all">all</span> <span word="external">external</span> <span word="expectations">expectations</span>, <span word="all">all</span> <span word="pride">pride</span>, <span word="all">all</span> <span word="fear">fear</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="embarrassment">embarrassment</span> <span word="or">or</span> <span word="failure">failure</span> -- <span word="these">these</span> <span word="things">things</span> <span word="just">just</span> <span word="fall">fall</span> <span word="away">away</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="face">face</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="death">death</span>, <span word="leaving">leaving</span> <span word="only">only</span> <span word="what">what</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="truly">truly</span> <span word="important">important</span>. <span word="Remembering">Remembering</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="going">going</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="die">die</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="best">best</span> <span word="way">way</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="avoid">avoid</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="trap">trap</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="thinking">thinking</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="something">something</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="lose">lose</span>. <span word="You">You</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="already">already</span> <span word="naked">naked</span>. <span word="There">There</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="no">no</span> <span word="reason">reason</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="follow">follow</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="heart">heart</span>.</p><p><span word="About">About</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="year">year</span> <span word="ago">ago</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="diagnosed">diagnosed</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="cancer">cancer</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="had">had</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="scan">scan</span> <span word="at">at</span> 7:30 <span word="in">in</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="morning">morning</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="clearly">clearly</span> <span word="showed">showed</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="tumor">tumor</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="mypancreas">mypancreas</span>（胰腺）. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="didn">didn</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="even">even</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="what">what</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="pancreas">pancreas</span> <span word="was">was</span>. <span word="The">The</span> <span word="doctors">doctors</span> <span word="told">told</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="this">this</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="almost">almost</span> <span word="certainly">certainly</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="type">type</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="cancer">cancer</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="incurable">incurable</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="should">should</span> <span word="expect">expect</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="live">live</span> <span word="no">no</span> <span word="longer">longer</span> <span word="than">than</span> <span word="three">three</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="six">six</span> <span word="months">months</span>. <span word="My">My</span> <span word="doctor">doctor</span> <span word="advised">advised</span> <span word="me">me</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="go">go</span> <span word="home">home</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="get">get</span> <span word="my">my</span> <span word="affairs">affairs</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="order">order</span>, <span word="which">which</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="doctor">doctor</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="code">code</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="prepare">prepare</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="die">die</span>. <span word="It">It</span> <span word="means">means</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="try">try</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="tell">tell</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="kids">kids</span> <span word="everything">everything</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="thought">thought</span> <span word="you">you</span>'<span word="d">d</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="next">next</span> 10 <span word="years">years</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="tell">tell</span> <span word="them">them</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="just">just</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="few">few</span> <span word="months">months</span>. <span word="It">It</span> <span word="means">means</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="sure">sure</span> <span word="everything">everything</span> <span word="isbuttoned">isbuttoned</span> <span word="up">up</span>（守口如瓶的）<span word="so">so</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="it">it</span> <span word="will">will</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="easy">easy</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="possible">possible</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="family">family</span>. <span word="It">It</span> <span word="means">means</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="say">say</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="goodbyes">goodbyes</span>.</p>
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