Put time where love is
<p><span word="During">During</span> <span word="my">my</span> 25 <span word="years">years</span> <span word="as">as</span> <span word="amarital">amarital</span>（婚姻的）<span word="therapist">therapist</span>, <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="seen">seen</span> <span word="hundreds">hundreds</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="disappointed">disappointed</span> <span word="over">over</span> <span word="unfulfilling">unfulfilling</span> <span word="relationships">relationships</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="seen">seen</span> <span word="passion">passion</span> <span word="turn">turn</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="poison">poison</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="grieved">grieved</span> <span word="with">with</span> <span word="patients">patients</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="they">they</span> <span word="lost">lost</span> <span word="or">or</span> <span word="never">never</span> <span word="found">found</span>.</p><p>"<span word="We">We</span> <span word="seemed">seemed</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="so">so</span> <span word="much">much</span>, <span word="but">but</span> <span word="now">now</span> <span word="it">it</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="gone">gone</span>," <span word="one">one</span> <span word="womanlamented">womanlamented</span>（哀悼）<span word="to">to</span> <span word="me">me</span>. "<span word="Why">Why</span> <span word="do">do</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="feel">feel</span> <span word="so">so</span> <span word="lonely">lonely</span> <span word="every">every</span> <span word="night">night</span> <span word="even">even</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="he">he</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="right">right</span> <span word="there">there</span> <span word="beside">beside</span> <span word="me">me</span>? <span word="Why">Why</span> <span word="can">can</span>'<span word="t">t</span> <span word="marriage">marriage</span> <span word="be">be</span> <span word="more">more</span> <span word="than">than</span> <span word="this">this</span>?"</p><p><span word="It">It</span> <span word="can">can</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="was">was</span> <span word="once">once</span> <span word="invited">invited</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="the">the</span> 60<span word="th">th</span>-<span word="anniversary">anniversary</span> <span word="celebration">celebration</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="remarkable">remarkable</span> <span word="couple">couple</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="asked">asked</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="husband">husband</span>, <span word="Peter">Peter</span>, <span word="if">if</span> <span word="he">he</span> <span word="ever">ever</span> <span word="felt">felt</span> <span word="lonely">lonely</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="wondered">wondered</span> <span word="where">where</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="between">between</span> <span word="him">him</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="Lita">Lita</span> <span word="had">had</span> <span word="gone">gone</span>. <span word="Peter">Peter</span> <span word="laughed">laughed</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="said">said</span>, "<span word="If">If</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="wonder">wonder</span> <span word="where">where</span> <span word="your">your</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="went">went</span>, <span word="you">you</span> <span word="forgot">forgot</span> <span word="that">that</span> <span word="you">you</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="one">one</span> <span word="who">who</span> <span word="makes">makes</span> <span word="it">it</span>. <span word="Love">Love</span> <span word="is">is</span> <span word="not">not</span> <span word="out">out</span> <span word="there">there</span>; <span word="it">it</span>'<span word="s">s</span> <span word="in">in</span> <span word="here">here</span> <span word="between">between</span> <span word="Lita">Lita</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="me">me</span>."</p><p><span word="I">I</span> <span word="know">know</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="can">can</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="deeply">deeply</span>,<span word="tenderly">tenderly</span>（温和地）<span word="and">and</span> <span word="lastingly">lastingly</span>. <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="seen">seen</span> <span word="such">such</span> <span word="love">love</span>, <span word="and">and</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="felt">felt</span> <span word="such">such</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="myself">myself</span>. <span word="Here">Here</span> <span word="are">are</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="law">law</span> <span word="I">I</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="discovered">discovered</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="such">such</span> <span word="lasting">lasting</span> <span word="and">and</span> <span word="loving">loving</span> <span word="relationships">relationships</span>---<span word="put">put</span> <span word="time">time</span> <span word="where">where</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="is">is</span>.</p><p><span word="A">A</span> <span word="fulfilling">fulfilling</span> <span word="marriage">marriage</span> <span word="begins">begins</span> <span word="when">when</span> <span word="two">two</span> <span word="people">people</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="time">time</span> <span word="together">together</span> <span word="their">their</span> <span word="No">No</span>.1 <span word="priority">priority</span>. <span word="If">If</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="hope">hope</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="find">find</span> <span word="love">love</span>, <span word="we">we</span> <span word="must">must</span> <span word="first">first</span> <span word="find">find</span> <span word="time">time</span> <span word="for">for</span> <span word="loving">loving</span>.</p><p><span word="Unfortunately">Unfortunately</span>, <span word="current">current</span> <span word="psychology">psychology</span> <span word="rests">rests</span> <span word="on">on</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="model">model</span> <span word="of">of</span> <span word="the">the</span> <span word="independent">independent</span> <span word="ego">ego</span>. <span word="To">To</span> <span word="make">make</span> <span word="a">a</span> <span word="lasting">lasting</span> <span word="marriage">marriage</span> <span word="we">we</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="overcome">overcome</span> <span word="self">self</span>-<span word="centeredness">centeredness</span>. <span word="We">We</span> <span word="must">must</span> <span word="go">go</span> <span word="beyond">beyond</span> <span word="what">what</span> <span word="psychologist">psychologist</span> <span word="Abraham">Abraham</span> <span word="Maslow">Maslow</span> <span word="called">called</span> "<span word="self">self</span>-<span word="actualization">actualization</span>" <span word="to">to</span> "<span word="us">us</span>-<span word="actualization">actualization</span>". <span word="We">We</span> <span word="have">have</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="learn">learn</span> <span word="to">to</span> <span word="put">put</span> <span word="time">time</span> <span word="where">where</span> <span word="love">love</span> <span word="is">is</span>.</p>
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